Advent Of IPhone Opens Apple Virus Floodgates At Grassfire

I can't resist this post. For years, I have been toiling in the Grassfire offices as the lone voice for Apple and Macintosh computers. My associates, PC drones to the core, have mocked and ridiculed my Macintosh "toys." I've been told time and time again that Macs are "not real computers" and that I should "leave the real work to the PC world." I'm talking about hard-core Gates-ites.

The Virus Begins To Spread
As you will see from these emails from two of my associates, the Apple Virus is spreading throught our offices! It began to take hold when two team members received IPods as gifts two years ago. But the virus really spread when two of my associates, knowing my love for macs, gave me an IPhone as a gift. What they didn't consider is that they had to actually research, try and purchase the IPhone, putting them in close proximity to the Apple virus.

The rest, as they say, is I-History.

Email #1 from "Randy":
Steve,
Your not going to believe this, I bought an IPhone for me! Don't tell anybody, I've never owned an apple device in my life but I must admit, they nailed it on this one.

Email #2 from "Bob"
Obviously we have a virus! It started with Steve years ago, but we always managed to keep it contained. In a classical "trojan horse" move, nearly two years ago two members of this virus family made their way to Iowa in the form of ipods.

The virus then went dormant until last month. In July it awakened and spread to Tina. Caught in the grips of its' evil power, the virus persuaded Iowa to spread a new mutation. Iowa carried the virus (in the form of an IPhone) intended as a gift for Steve) through the airport and it travelled to Chicago where it infected Steve and is now firmly attached to Steve every waking minute. Apparently, while being a carrier to Chicago, the virus infected Randy. Now, just days later it has spread to Iowa again and is now seen on Randy's hip.

In a mutant leap, my oldest daughter called me last night absolutely giddy about the performance of this virus laced company. Apparently she bought stock in the viral empire a while back and is enjoying the "fruits" of her investment.

Alas, apparently we failed her. As an adult, she now owns stock in the viral beast (up some 40% since she purchased). Contrast that with her wise parents, the father of which brilliantly offered scholarly advice to his wife years ago on how she should invest some of her retirement money in Microsoft. Mom is still the proud owner of that stock some seven years later and continues to watch it's "long term, steady as she goes" approach - also known as the "flatline" approach :-)

As parents, we don't know where we went wrong. We raised her properly - putting her in front of a PC before windows was even invented. We taught her 3 year old nimble fingers how to press CTRL-ALT-DEL simultaneously - long before she could write. She knew terms like "froze up", "hung", and "re-boot" before she ever went to kindergarten. We carefully taught her every incarnation of Windows along the way.

I am fortifying my firewall and defenses right now before I succumb any further to this evil virus! I've emailed Bill Gates to get the "apple-blocker" software! I avoid the fruit isle at the store. I've upped my subscription to Norton anti-virus. What else can I do?

Is there no stopping the "Apple" virus?????